Real Men Have Beards
by Ookami-Papillon
Summary: Tsume reveals preferences that send Shibi into revelations. Pre-gen ShibiTsume.


Real Men Have Beards; A Horrible Mistake

Tsume reveals kinks that send Shibi into revelations. Pregen ShibiTsume.

–

Tsume's constant shifting was driving Shibi to extinction; if she hadn't wanted to go to the park, she shouldn't of come with him in the first place. Shibi shifted himself, out of irritation, furthering his own annoyance.

When Tsume sunk down against the stone bench a bit, legs sprawled wide and a smarmy grin on her face, Shibi had had enough.

"What on earth are you smirking at?" He asked, exasperated, and Tsume shot up into a straighter sitting position, looking slightly guilty.

"Uhh… nothing," She decided, and turned slightly to face him. The Aburame immediately noted that her face was flushed, and she was glancing around at an attempt to look casual, while her tapping foot gave away her nerves.

Shibi was immediately suspicious. Slowly, he scanned the area Tsume had been grinning senselessly at. Nothing… except for an older nin, training with a sword.

"I said _'nothing'_, ya right good bastard!" Tsume growled, hackles raised like a cornered animal.

Shibi looked over her carefully, setting his 'Encyclopaedia of Beetles' aside to stare at her. Apart from wild insect classification, one could perhaps put studying Tsume as one of his hobbies. He was twenty-four and Tsume was an absolutely fascinating (and rather perfect) specimen of womanhood. He didn't find a fault in his frequent appraisals of her.

"… What on earth is so interesting about this… man, then," He said flatly, not really framing it as a question since he knew she'd tell him regardless. He was quite pleased he'd managed to stop himself from saying _other_ man; her cooing about him being the most important man in her life had not been appreciated, especially since she'd merely being saying so to mock him.

A slow grin spread over her face, and her eyes wandered back over to her left. She turned to face him fully, swinging a leg up onto the bench. "Aw, I dunno… he's hot," She said, her grin turning perverse.

"_He_ must be twice my age," Shibi muttered. "He looks old enough to suffer from erectile dysfunction," He mumbled.

Her loud laughter let him on to the fact she'd overheard. Out of all her family, Tsume was famed with the best hearing. This hadn't changed, even after a year and a half off missions.

"… How is Hana going?" Shibi asked quietly, wanting to know, and wanting to change the subject away from this man. "Is she feeding well?"

"What, sucking my boobs? Yeah, she's cool; we're cool on that front, and everything," She said casually, her stupid smile making him tsk.

"You aren't funny," He reminded her.

She shrugged and gave him the finger, reminding him that she didn't give a shit. "Fuck off Shibi, I'm hilarious. What, jealous of my baby-girl or somethin', are ya?" She said, then started laughing again.

"… It isn't funny if you laugh at your own jokes," He reminded her, trying not to think of how Tsume removed _all_ articles of clothing from her bosom when she breastfed baby Hana. She didn't care much where she was, either; at this bench in he park, in her own home, or in his room when she visited.

"Hey, that's cool too; these puppies are pretty sweet," She said, hugging underneath her breasts and lifting to make them more prominent.

"Have some decency, we're in public," He told her, getting, well, _not jealous_ over her outrageous behaviour.

"Ehh, ain't no one here I don't want seein'," She mumbled, giving the older nin another sidelong glance.

"Oh, stop this immediately," He hissed, standing. "If you continue this way we're leaving."

"Go then," She said calmly, turning back to face the other man, focusing on him even as she talked to the Aburame, "I'll hang 'round a little longer… see ya when _he's_ done," She said, shooting him a grin.

Shibi really would have just left (he'd done it before) but then she gave him that grin… Shibi retook his seat, crossing one leg over the other and cracking open his book again over his knee, mumbling to himself; "What on earth is so interesting about _him_, anyway…"

After a beat, Tsume sat up, and turned back to him, pulling her legs up onto the bench and crossing them. She inched forward a bit. Shibi didn't look up. She lent over, coming in rather close. Shibi focused any and all attention on his classifications.

Suddenly, she grabbed the side of his face in one hand and slammed it against her mouth. Shibi froze completely, sprawled out like an idiot, as her lips moved against his cheek and to his ear, trying not to think about how it was not dissimilar to a notion of her kissing him-

"Facial hair," She whispered, then moved back a little, head tilted down, giving him a knowing look. "Ladies love it. Well, this lady right here really digs it. Also older guys are just really hot," She tacked on, then released his face, falling back onto her hands and grinning widely. "Seriously, you gotta hold me back or somethin', every time I pass a guy with a bit of fuzz on his chin. Half a mind to jump 'm." She snapped her sharp teeth together and winked, then went back to grinning senselessly.

Shibi didn't say a word as her gaze went back to the older nin. He sat up straight, and opened his book yet again. He didn't look down into it, his gaze stuck staring out across the park.

"Facial hair?" He clarified.

"Aw yeah buddy," The Inuzuka muttered.

"He has mutton chops," Shibi identified.

"S'all good," She said gaily, her eyebrows flicking up briefly, her tongue darting out to lick her plump lower lip.

Shibi tried not to track the motion. This was important. "All of it?"

"_Fuck_, Hell yeah," She swore softly.

The figurative gears in Shibi's head were clocking in overdrive, as he only heard snippets of her explanation about 'real men having a beard', or something of the sort.

"I need to go," He said abruptly, on his feet before he knew it. He'd had a brainwave.

"Okay," She said, glancing at him curiously, hands near her mouth like she'd been cupping her chin and feet propped up on the bench.

"You go home, young lady, this instant," He added in a rush – force of habit – and Tsume groaned loudly as she too got to her feet, and Shibi knew she was doing as he told her, albeit grudgingly, as he sped off, heading for home.

–

Tsume was musing into her jerky. She didn't usually think over food, unless it was _'why the fuck is this running out I want more'_, and she mused much less over jerky. Jerky was fucking awesome and delicious and no time that could be spent eating jerky should be wasted thinking. Tsume viciously ripped off another mouthful from the strips she was eating, getting moody. The fuck was she doing here, anyway…

Shibi hadn't even been _coming _to this tea-house lately.

Absent-mindedly, she bounced Hana in her lap and stared off into the street. This was ridiculous. She didn't even like this fucking place! The air was too heavy with incense for her specialised nose and that one waitress with the accent always gave her these fucking _looks_ whenever she was here.

"_Excusez-moi_, _mademoiselle_, but… you are not ordering, anyzing?" Said waitress asked, sneering, and Tsume glared at her.

"Just bouncing the bub," She said icily, and the woman was on her way.

Tsume ignored the clansmen with her as he catcalled after the woman, and stuffed more jerky in her mouth.

"She's totally hot," He commented, sinking low into his chair and grinning.

Tsume raised her eyebrows at him. "She just dissed me, asscunt."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't saying jackshit 'bout her personality," He added.

Tsume rolled her eyes, and glanced out he window again. _'Oh, hold up!'_ "Watch my baby- kill her and I have you beg for death- okay," She managed out, putting the baby in her surprised cousin's lap and rushing out the door, dashing after the figure she'd just seen. "Oi, Shibi! _Shibi!_" She yelled, attracting a few looks out on the street.

The figure in front of her stopped, and turned around. She skidded to a halt in front of Shibi. "… Tsume," He greeted, sounding faintly surprised.

"The very same," She agreed, winking. "So, what'cha been up to? I haven't seen you in ages!" She said, her tone friendly but her manner menacing. Unless they'd had a massive fight, she didn't like her friends dropping off the face of her planet for a month. She needed attention, that was why she had friends!

"Oh, well… Nothing in particular," He mumbled, shifting, and Tsume knew he was lying.

_'It's a girl. He's gone an' dumped me to suck face with some bitch who'll put out. Well, not dumped me, just-'_

He touched at his face nervously. More specifically, he rubbed his upper lip, the motion bringing his lower face out of his high Aburame collar.

"Is that… a _moustache_?" Tsume asked in disbelief, squinting a little and leaning her head back, making sure it wasn't an illusion or a trick of the light.

"No," He denied immediately, hands darting into his pockets. Tsume was, if she could be excused, not convinced.

"Show me," She said just as quickly.

"No," He mumbled, snapping his head to the left.

"Show me," Tsume demanded again, jumping forward a little this time.

"No," He ground out, burying his face into his high collar.

"So you _don't_ have some hair on your upper lip?" She asked, just to clarify.

"… Yyeess," He said slowly, sounding it out as his voice died off with the word.

"Yeah; you're fucking stupid," The Inuzuka said flatly, and grabbed his collar, dragging it down firmly and looking eagerly.

Well, it _was_ a moustache, in that there waere hairs clinging to Shibi's upper lip. That was about all that could be said, however, since it was the saddest bit of facial hair Tsume has seen since her four-year-old cousin had drawn a soul patch on her when she was sleeping. She could _count_ the hairs he'd grown.

"…" Tsume studied it for a beat, nodding at her findings, and let his collar go.

Then she braced her hands on her knees and _howled_ with laughter. People started staring immediately. The woman actually started half-coughing in the middle, and stumbled, laughing so hard she couldn't stay on her own two feet.

Shibi stood there, even as Tsume's cousin rushed out to prop her up, baby in the crook of one arm and his cackling older charge in the other.

"The Hell've you done to her, dude?" He asked, baffled, and Shibi tsked as she calmed down, pretending to wipe tears from her eyes. She pushed out of the Inuzuka man's arms and strolled up to Shibi, grinning as he turned away slightly.

"Well, y'know what?" She declared, and grabbed him around the middle. "You got me; now that you've got a-" She broke off to snigger- "moustache, I'm all yours. Consider me seduced," She promised, and hugged him.

"You aren't funny," Shibi growled. She could smell the mortification rolling off him. The Aburame tired to inch back, since they were in public and, in his books, being indecent, but Tsume just stepped right on his feet.

She snuggled into his shoulder. "Fuck you, I'm hilarious."

It was good to have him back.

–

God Tsume, stop being a dickhead.

Nah I'm kidding please keep going I love you.

Aanyway, this is for a piece of artwork by _'__Miraella'_ on DeviantART (shown in the story image). I liked it so much I decided I'd write a little something for it, and here it is.

Hope all the ShibiTsume enthusiasts out there like this as well.


End file.
